Dearest Jan,

Nagsisimula ka nang magdalaga. Siguro alam mo na ito, siguro hindi. Ako halos ang nag-alaga sa iyo noong maliit ka pa. Malayo ang agwat ng edad natin at walang araw na hindi kita pinagalitan. Kaya naman siguro parang magulang na ang tingin mo sa akin.

Sa kabila nito, isa ka sa pinakamahalagang babae sa buhay ko. Sunod kay Mama, ikaw ang isa sa mga babaeng mahal ko. Ikaw lang ang nag-iisang babae na kapatid ko. Dahil dyan, gusto ko lang kung ano ang pinakamabuti para sa iyo.

Sa mga panahon na pinapagalitan kita, sa mga panahon na tinataasan kita ng boses, sa panahon na pinagbubuhatan kita ng kamay: tandaan mo na ginagawa ko iyon, dahil gusto kong matandaan mo ang mga bagay na dapat mong iwasan. Gusto ko lang ng kung ano ang makakabubuti sa’yo.

Pagpasensyahan mo na si Kuya kung hindi mo maramdaman na kuya mo ako. Siguro hindi ko man matugunan kung ano ang mga hinihingi mo sa akin, sa ngayon, susubukan ko ang makakaya ko na punan ito kapag kaya ko na. Salamat sa pagpaparamdam sa akin na isa akong Kuya. Kayong dalawa ni Aaron.

Palagi kang kasama sa mga dasal ko. Kayong lahat nina Papa, Mama, at Aaron. Sana sinasama niyo rin ako sa mga dasal ninyo.

Magpakabait, mag-aral ng maigi, at maging mabuti. Mahal na mahal kita! 

Nagmamahal,

Kuya DJ

“Sapagkat nilikha Mo kami upang sa Iyo ri’y makauwi, at hindi mapalagay ang aming puso hangga’t hindi namamahinga sa Iyo.” This line is probably the most moving line of St. Augustine in his Confessions. What makes it powerful for me is the fact that this line synthesizes the whole book. As St. Augustine pondered on the meaning of his life, as he recounted the various points of his life, as he recalled his moments of consolation and desolation, he never failed to seek the help of God. In this way, he presents himself to God, although St. Augustine completely knew that everything is known to God – “at sa Iyong karununga’y walang makasusukat.”

Sapagkat nilikha Mo kami upang sa Iyo ri’y makauwi. Augustine realizes his archē, his beginning – God. I believe that this truth is embedded in my conciousness. It is an everlasting imprint in me, a truth that I can not completely turn away from. This leaning to the One, the Good, the Truth is a fundamental reality of the human person as the Lord himself testifies: “even you…who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children.”

At hindi mapalagay ang aming puso. This is the most interesting part of the line, the part which made me realize a lot of things about myself. The restlessness that Augustine feels is brought by his desire “to love and be loved,” “umibig at ibigin.” Is this not the same for most people? I am guilty of this desire. I want to love but this love is not just limited to a person. This love comes in different forms. It is when I am lost trying to figure out which and whom to love that God comes in, somehow telling me: So gusto mo pa lang mahalin?

It is also at this point that I realize that I am also guilty of the same problem that St. Augustine had – the problem of volition. The Confessions gave me a sense that he knows what to do but he can’t do it, that he sincerely wants it but not enough. This divided will, is immortalized in his prayer: “Grant me chastity and self-control but please, not yet.” This is exactly the same prayer that I occasionally say to God. My prayer remains unanswered until now.

Hangga’t hindi namamahinga sa Iyo. What begins in God, ends in God. God is the ultimate tēlos. It is in God that we find quies, that is, rest and quiet. As long as I know that I can find rest in God, all restlessness is surmountable. St. Augustine’s Confessions is reminiscent of one parable – that of the Prodigal Son. After learning his mistake, he decided to go back to God and to ask for forgiveness. At the end, he found his quies – the rest, the quiet, the stability which his heart longs for.

As I also look into my restlessness, it is good to think that in a not-so-distant past, there lived a man who confronted his own restlessness, begging God to look at him with compassion. The restlessness that Augustine felt, that I am also feeling, gains meaning only if viewed in the light of the archē and the tēlos. To know that God is the beginning and the end does not necessarily erase the restlessness but the knowledge gives meaning to our restlessness, to my restlessness. Without the knowledge of archē and the tēlos, we end up only having restless hearts.

                Analogia. Ang salitang ito ay mula sa dalawang salitang Griyego “ana” at “logos,” “ayon” at “salita” o minsan, “paksa.” Sa literal na pagsasalin, “ayon sa paksa.” Mayroon akong paboritong aksiyoma sa pilosopiya tungkol sa analogia. Ayon kay Padre Roque Ferriols, SJ, ang analogia ay “magkatulad sa kanilang pagkakaiba, magkaiba sa kanilang pagkakatulad.”

                Ang buhay ko at ang buhay ni Rizal: dalawang magkaibang buhay, ngunit maituturing na isang analogia. Parehong buhay (life), ngunit hindi parehong pagsasabuhay (living). Hindi parehong pagmemeron[1] (being) pero parehong buhay (alive).

                Ngunit ang pakay ko ay hindi upang bigyan ng pilosopikal na pag-unawa ang buhay ni Rizal. Ang pakay ko ay upang ihambing at itulad ang aking buhay at ang buhay niya. Isang napakabigat na gawain ngunit sa huli ay makatutulong upang magkaroon ng personal na pagpapakita si Rizal sa akin. Wika nga ni Gabriel Marcel, isang pagpapakita na wari’y hindi inihahandog sa ibang tao.

Ang Kamusmusan[2] ni DJ at ni Pepe:

                Isang batang maliit at hindi-gaanong kaputian, sa madaling sabi – maiitim, ang ipinanganak noong Disyembre 17, 1990, katulad ng isang batang maliit at malaki ang ulo na ipinanganak noong  Hunyo 19, 1861. Parehong ipinangak na may kapintasan ngunit parehong nagbigay ng kasiyahan sa magulang. Pareho silang bininyagan ilang araw matapos silang ipinanganak.

                Panganay ako at mag-isa pa lamang noon, kaya naman lahat siguro ng atensyon noon ay nasa akin. Sa isip ko, marahil hindi ito naranasan ni Rizal. Subalit sa mga nabasa ko tungkol sa kanya, mukhang nagkakamali ako. Si Rizal ang bunsong lalaki kaya nasa kanya rin ang pansin ng kanyang mga kapatid na babae.

                Pareho kaming hindi  pala-labas ng bahay, parehong hindi pinapayagang lumabas, pero hindi pareho ang dahilan. Kung siya ay dahil sa mahina siya at sakitin, ako naman ay dahil ayaw akong manghina at masaktan. Sa palagay ko, buti pa si Rizal, may katuwiran ang rason kung bakit siya hindi pinalalabas. Ngunit dahil bata, at palibhasa’y walang kapangyarihan, wala na tayong magagawa kundi sumunod na lamang.

                Ngunit hindi naman ako katulad ng isnag preso na nakakulong lamang sa bahay. Mayroon akong isang paboritong puntahan, ang simbahan. Katulad ng pamilya ni Rizal na paglabas sa bakuran ay simbahan na, ang kinalakihan kong bahay ay malapit rin sa simbahan, tipong pagdungaw mo sa labas ng tarangkahan, simbahan na. Isang malaking aspeto sa aking buhay ang simbahan na ito dahil maka-aapekto ito sa aking paglaki. Ngunit, katulad ng mga analogia, hindi pa rin kami magkatulad na magkatulad ni Pepe, dahil siya, kinakausap niya ang kura paroko, ako, hindi. Ngunit pareho kaming masaya sa pagmamasid sa mga tao at sa kanilang ginagawa.

                Dahil dito, pareho kaming libro ang inatupag. Sa paligid ko ay puro libro. Pero hindi pa rin tuald na tulad. Si Rizal, nagbasa siya nang hanggang kaya niya, ako, hindi gaanong nagbasa. Marahil dahil na rin sa pagkakaiba ng teknolohiya noon at ngayon. Mayroon na tayong telebisyon at family computer, sila wala. Isa ito sa napag-iisipan ko sa tuwing napag-aaralan si Rizal: Kung siya kaya ay nakaranas ng telebisyon, hindi siguro siya magiging palabasa. At ako naman, kung wala sigurong telebisyon, magiging palabasa ako. Sa kabila nang lahat ng ito, masasabi kong halos magkapareho kami ng kamusmusan ni Rizal, maliban sa isang bagay.

                Bata pa ako nang umalis ang magulang ko upang maghanap-buhay sa ibang bansa. Sa madaling sabi, lumaki ako sa piling ng lola ko. Kaya naman sunod sa aking magulang, mahal na mahal ko ang lola ko. Ito marahil ang lamang ko kay Rizal. Wala akong nabasa tungkol sa relasyon niya sa kanyang lola.

Ang Ateneo ng Aking Buhay[3]

                Unang nag-aral si Rizal sa isang paaralang malapit sa kanila. Parang ako. Noong ako ay nasa elementarya pa lamang, nag-aral ako sa tinatawag naming “baba.” Bakit “baba”? Dahil ang aming lugar ay isang burol, ang aming bahay ay nasa taas, ang paaralan ay nasa paanan. Tulad ni Rizal, isa akong estudyanteng sobresaliente. Hindi sa pagmamayabang, nagtapos ako ng elementarya na valedictorian. Hindi ko alam kung pareho kami ni Rizal.

Sa kanyang mga talaarawan, nabanggit ni Rizal na ang kanyang buhay sa Ateneo ang isa sa mga pinakamasayang bahagi ng kanyang buhay. Ang maituturing kong Ateneo ko ay ang aking mataas na paaralan, ang Makati Science High School. Sa bahaging ito ng aking buhay ako natuto nang hindi lamang kaalaman na tungkol sa mga aralin, dito rin ako natuto ng mga kaalaman na karanasan lamang ang kayang magturo.

Ang pakiramdam ko nang ako ay pumasok sa mataas na paaralan ay isang nakatutuwang bagay. Masasabi ko na nang magtapos ako sa elementarya, isa akong balyena. Pero nang pumasok ako sa high school, isa na lamang akong dilis. Dilis dahil may mas malalaki nang balyena kaysa sa akin, mas matalino, mas maalam.

Sa bahaging ito rin ng aking buhay ako nagkaroon ng barkada, at pag-ibig. Si April, ang unang tumanggi sa akin. Si Cielo, ang kanyang kaibigan, ang una kong kasintahan. Ngunit higit pa rito, sa panahong ito, katulad ni Rizal, namulat ako sa mga bagay na masasabing mas malalim, mas makahulugan.

Sa panahon ito sa buhay ni Rizal, ayon kay Austin Coates, ay namulat siya sa mga nangyayari sa kanyang lipunan. Nagkaroon rin ako ng pagmumulat sa bahaging ito ng aking buhay, hindi nga lamang tungkol sa lipunan. Tungkol sa akin. Sa panahong ito ako namulat sa gusto kong gawin sa hinaharap. Gusto kong maging isang pari. Maaaring kutyain ako ni Rizal kung nalaman niya ito ngunit ito talaga ang nais kong maging.

Pag-alis, Pagbalik[4]

                Sa isang hindi maipaliwanag na paraan, nakatanggap ako, o mas mabuting sabihin, natanggap ako sa isang taon nang pag-aaral sa Japan. Isa itong exchange student program kung saan, makapag-aaral ako sa isang high school sa Japan. Ang kaibahan, tapos na ako nang high school. Nasa pagitan ako ng mataas na paaralan at kolehiyo.

                Si Rizal, mas mala-teleserye ang konteksto ng kanyang pag-alis sa bansa. Ako, maituturing na pagsasayang ng panahon. Ano ba ang makukuha ko sa isang taon na ito? Hindi naman makikita sa transcript ko ang mga makukuha kong marka. Isa lamang pagsasayang ng oras. Walang kuwenta, kung gagamitin ang salitang balbal.

                 Sa aking palagay, at sinusuportahan ito ng mga nabasa ko tungkol kay Rizal, hindi naman talaga niya ginusto na pumunta sa ibang bansa. Si Kuya Paciano ang may gusto. Sa aking karanasan naman, si mama ang may gusto. Ngunit dahil pareho kaming mas bata ni Rizal, wala kaming magagawa kundi sumunod.

                Hindi ako sigurado sa mga pakiramdam ni Rizal sa kanyang paglalakbay sa Europa, pero mayroon siyang isang partikular na pangingibang-bansa na sigurado akong magkakasundo kami – ang kanyang paglalakbay sa bansang Hapon. Sinulat ni Rizal sa kanyang talaarawan, “I Like Japan….Most beautiful scenery, the flowers, the trees, the peaceful inhabitants, so courteous, so willing to please.”[5] Itong ito rin ang nasabi ko sa isang sulat ko sa aking matalik na kaibigan.

                Ito ang bahagi ng buhay na Rizal na nagpapatibay sa aming pagbubuklod. Ang karanasan niya sa bansang Hapon, at ang aking karanasan, ay masasabing isang pagkakapareho na hindi maaaring tanggalin sa aming alaala. Sayang nga lamang para kay Rizal, halos anim na linggo lamang siya roon.

                Ang bahaging ito ng aking buhay ang nasasabi kong nagpatibay sa aking pagmumulat sa aking sariling “karanasan sa Ateneo.” Dito ko nalaman na ito talaga ang landas na gusto kong tahakinl. Katulad ni Rizal, na naging sigurado sa landas na tinahak niya noong siya ay nasa Europa.

Bagumbayan ni Pepe, Bagumbuhay ni DJ

                Natapos ang mala-epikong buhay ni Rizal sa Bagumbayan. Masasabi ko ring natapos ang dati kong buhay sa aking pagpasok sa Seminaryo ng San Jose. Nakakatuwang isipin, hindi lamang pala ang karanasan namin sa bansang Hapon ang magbubuklod sa amin. Ako, bilang isang seminarista ay hinuhubog ng mga Heswita. Si Rizal ay hinubog ng mga Heswita. Ang tatay niya at si Kuya Paciano ay nag-aral sa Colegio de San Jose, ang mismong seminaryo na tinutuluyan ko ngayon.

               Pagkamatay ni Rizal sa Baguumbayan, nagising niya sa maraming tao ang isang damdamin ng pagnanais sa isang bansa, nasyonalismo. Ang pagkamatay naman ng lumang ako, at ang aking Bagumbuhay, ay inaasahan kong gigising sa isang pagnanais rin sa isang bayan, ang Bayan ng Diyos, kung saan matatagpuan ang tunay na kalayaan, ang kalayaan na binayaran ni Rizal ng kanyang buhay.

Paglalagom

                Sa aking pagtatangkang gumawa ng analogia ng aming buhay, mananatiling hindi maging sukat (fit) ang aming mga karanasan. Ngunit katulad nga ng aking sinabi, ang analogia ay “magkatulad sa kanilang pagkakaiba, magkaiba sa kanilang pagkakatulad.” Masaya ako na kahit papaano, ang aming pagkakatulad-pagkakaiba ay nakapagbibigay sa akin ng isang “pagpapakita, na wari’y hindi inihahandog sa ibang tao.”

Unless they gave some signs of repentance before death, the following must be deprived of ecclesiastical funerals:

1/ notorious apostates, heretics, and schismatics;

2/ those who chose the cremation of their bodies for reasons contrary to Christian faith;

3/ other manifest sinners who cannot be granted ecclesiastical funerals without public scandal of the faithful.

So how do we look at the case of the late Sec. Angelo Reyes? Should he be given an ecclesiastical funeral?

One more significant aspects of the life of the [Catholic] Church was its work of education. From the beginning of the evangelization, education, in the form of primary schools, had played a large part in the work of the missionaries. However, with the establishment of the Church in most of lowland Philippines by the early seventeenth century, attention was turned away from the pure catechetical function of education, so necessary in the first generation of evangelization, and rather to the development of the Christian community as a whole.

Indeed the development of higher education in the Philippines had begun to occupy the minds of at least a few from as early as the time of Bishop Domingo Salazar, O.P., when in 1583 he wrote the king, Philip II, emphasizing the need of a Jesuit college to provide for the needs of the colony. The reply of the king came in the form of a royal cedula of 1585, in which he ordered the governor and the bishop to seek for means by which such an institution of higher education could be established.

However, only in 1595 was something effective actually done. By this time, the number of Jesuits in the Philippines had sufficiently increased to make it possible for them to open the requested college. At the same time, the acting governor, Luis Perez Dasmariñas, assigned funds from the royal treasury for the purpose. The Jesuit Annual Letter tells of the opening of the College of Manila, as it was called. The Jesuits taught Latin and cases of conscience, that is, moral theology taught by case method.

The creation of a school for Filipino boys as well had been made possible by the benefaction of Captain Esteban Rodriguez de Figueroa, who had given funds for the main College of Manila. The fund was supposed to be an inheritance for of one of his two daughters. He named the Jesuits as the heir, should one of his daughters die before reaching proper age. The inheritance, should the Jesuits take hold of it, is dedicated to purpose of establishing a college and a boarding house.

When Figueroa’s daughter Juana drowned in the wreck of the galleon of San Antonio, the Jesuits had the inheritance. The government subsidy was then transferred to the college for Filipino boys. Unfortunately, the government subsidy for the college of natives soon failed to be paid. However, the Jesuits attempted to maintain it themselves for some years in the hopes of a further royal order, but eventually were compelled to close it.

In the mean time, however, in 1601, a residential college for the Spaniards was opened under the title of the Colegio de San Jose. The students of this college took their classes in the College of Manila, at whose side it was located. It, too, owed its origin to the generosity of Rodriguez de Figueroa, who placed its foundation on a permanent basis, so that it was refounded in his name in 1610.

Due to the benefaction of Archbishop Miguel de Benavides, in 1611, a similar college was founded by the Dominicans. It was called the Colegio de Santo Tomas de Aquino. Archbishop Miguel Garcia Serrano describes the two colleges in a letter to the king of 1621, asking that both colleges for men be given permission to grant university degrees, since the two colleges are a source of great prestige to the city.

Shortly thereafter, both colleges received the papal recognition for their academic degrees and in the course of time, the two universities came to be known as the University of San Ignacio and the University of Santo Tomas, respectively. One further college was opened about this time under the Dominican auspices, San Juan de Letran. Originally a primary school, in the course of its development, it too would be integrated with the University of Santo Tomas for secondary education.

On the basis of general papal privileges, in the case of the Jesuits, or of particular temporary concessions, as in the case of the Dominicans, both of the colleges of San Ignacio (as it was called after the canonization of Saint Ignatius in 1622) and Santo Tomas began to give university degrees in the 1620’s. On the expiration of the temporary grant in 1645, Santo Tomas obtained through King Philip IV a university charter as a university through a bull of Pope Innocent X.

The granting of this charter soon led to another of the interminable disputes between San Ignacio/San Jose and Santo Tomas, the latter arguing that the former could no longer grant university degrees. Pointing out that the University of Santo Tomas was not a studium generale, a full-fledged university in the medieval sense of the word with faculties of law and medicine, the Jesuits maintained their right (and were confirmed by the king) to grant degrees by virtue of a series of papal and royal privileges detailed by the Franciscan chronicler, Juan Francisco de San Antonio, in 1738.

Though San Ignacio seems to have received an explicit university charter, its university degrees were recognized, and particularly after both it and Santo Tomas received chairs of law in the eighteenth century, it was known generally as the University of San Ignacio. It finally disappeared when it was given to the archbishop of Manila for a seminary, after the expulsion of the Jesuits in 1768. In the nineteenth century, Santo Tomas would receive a faculty of medicine and other faculties also, and be recognized as the official university of the Philippines by the Spanish Government.

– (Excerpt from Chapter 7, “The Established Church: 1620-1760” of Readings in Philippine Church History by Fr. John Schumacher, S.J.)

So what is the point of writing the excerpt here? Well, I guess, it is not really a matter of age. What is important is how this length of time changed and formed our nation, our history as a nation. In then end, we can only thank the Lord for the gift of education which these two institutions have made possible in our land. The four hundred years is not about the institution. It is about the education that we have received from them that we celebrate. Happy 400 years, UST!

One particular entry I wrote was about the clouds. It is just a short entry of less than 10 sentences, but the message was something I did not expect. It was written during the second day of our five-day silent retreat at the Mirador Jesuit Villa in Baguio.

Here’s the entry:

I am looking at the clouds. When I was young, I thought that we can walk on clouds and angels go around and play on them. Of course, I also thought that Jesus was there. But when I went to school, it suddenly dawned on me that clouds are just product of condensation. The image of Jesus on the clouds vanished into thin air. Interestingly, here in Mirador, I suddenly realized that Jesus is over the clouds, the clouds inside my heart, inside my being. He is on them. He is over them because he is more powerful than them.

You see, when you are praying, you tend to feel a lot of emotions all at the same time. Try writing after or even during your prayer. Who knows? You might be the next Teresa of Avila or Therese of Lisieux.

At the same time, I really want to watch 500 Days of Summer. Just a random thought.

“The mass is ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”“Thanks be to God.”

“A dream,” I murmured as I got up from bed. I went to the bathroom to do the usual things: washing my face, brushing my teeth and taking a bath. After bath, (I put on my briefs, of course) I wore a pair of black pants with my white T Shirt. I looked at the window. “This is the day,” I whispered as I don my Roman-collar polo. I felt a surge of sadness as I went down the stairs to have breakfast.

“Good morning. Are you ready?” asked my mother who prepares my father’s coffee. I nodded to answer her. “You look sad,” My mom said, “you must be happy. You’ve waited for this day for ten years,” she added. Moms knows best, I thought as I embraced her. “Thanks for supporting me, Ma.” I said as I went back to my chair.

My dad showed up, followed by my sister and my brother, 18 and 15 respectively. We exchaged greetings and had an enjoying breakfast. After breakfast, we were ready to leave. I went back to my room to get my vestments. Once again, I gazed at the window.

Oh beauty! I did not have the time to tell you I much I  treasured our friendship. Thanks for being there for me. I lo..

“Son, time is running out. We’ll be late with our appoinment.” I wiped off the tears rolling down my cheeks. I read the invitation.

THE ORDINATION OF…

I then remembered what Kevin said. Choices are choices. There’s no turning back. Yes. There is no turning back. I have waited for ten years. And here it is, at last. I went down and got in the car. It was a long drive. We were now in Intramuros.

I put on my vestments. It’s time.

“Let he who is to be ordained priest please come forward.” Said someone I don’t know. We were walking down the aisle. I saw different faces. I saw different dresses. I saw a familiar face. It was she. What is she doing here?

As we prostrated in front of the altar, I still kept on thinking why she was there. She should be in her office working. Why am I thinking about her? I should be praying by this time. “Let us pray…” said the bishop. And the services continued as it were.

“Brothers and Sisters, I now present to you, Reverend Father…” I am now a priest! I kissed my mother and my father. I embraced my brother and my sister. I then proceeded to greet my colleagues.

But someone approached me. “Congratulations,” the voice said. I turned and saw her. ”I know you can do it. By the way, here a gift for you.” She handed me a small box. I stood there dumbfounded. “Hey! Gising ka ba?” she asked. I smiled and accepted her gift. “Thank you for coming. You made me very happy.” She blushed. “Actually, I have a meeting to attend to but I canceled it just for you.” Imagine. A girl canceling her meeting just for me. “Really? Thank you very much.” She then kissed me.

I woke up. Everything was just a dream.

I’ve been designing some guess what – churches using this software. As soon as I finish my first, I would sure post it here.

By the way, my lola is planning to visit lolo and tita on Friday – that is in the cemetery. haha. Of course we will also visit them. How about you guys?

Let me finish with a quote from Evening Prayer II, Common of Apostles, Antiphon 3:

I no longer call you servants, but my friends, for I have shared with you everything I have heard from my Father.

Have a nice day guys!

I had my passion to write awakened by let us call him Brother. He is a seminarian just like me. And he is now in France for his regency? or Pastoral Exposure.

I am going to change the nature of my blog – something that is more telling of a seminarian. I’ll be writing some of my day-to-day experiences but I’ll be focusing more on the wholesome side.

So today, I will be talking about briefs. Yay!

No. Not the one you’re thinking about.

Brief in Latin is brevis. And this is the root word of our topic today, the breviary.

If you ever had a seminarian boyfriend, or even priest friends, there is a great possibility that you have seen this book. This is the book bound in black leather with lots of ribbons and even cards containing pictures of the saints and cellphone numbers.

This book contains the Liturgy of the Hours which is one of the official prayers of the Church. This is the Church’s way of sanctifying the hours.

Before the reform of the 2nd Vatican Council, there were 8 hours in which the prayers are said: the Matin(at cock crow?), Lauds (Morning Prayer), Prime (6am), Terce (9am), Sext (12nn), None(3pm), Vespers (Evening Prayer) and Compline (Night Prayer). Today, believe that they still exist though in practice, I only do Lauds, Vespers and Compline (or should I call it Night Prayer. Since almost all day, seminarians and priests recite the Divine Office, the breviary was called the wife of a seminarian / priest.

The time it takes to recite the breviary may vary from 10 minutes to 45 minutes. If I do it myself, it takes me around 15 minutes but if I recite it with my community we take 20-25 minutes. I don’t know why. Maybe because we sing some part.

For beginners, the use of the breviary may be very complicated. When I was still new to the breviary, I never had a ‘perfect prayer.’ It was either I was in the wrong week in the psalter or I was in a different Common. But if you get used to it, you’ll be able to enjoy your prayer time. It’s like having a new phone. It may be complicated at first, but if you get the hang of it, you’ll enjoy the use.

Well, I guess this is all for now.

Taliwas sa aking pag-uugali ang nais kong tahaking landas. Alam ng lahat yan. Isa akong makulit na bata. Maingay. Sinungaling. Makasalanan. Lahat ng kabaligtaran ng daan na nais ko, nasa akin nga siguro. Pero sa ilalim nito, nagtatago ang isang liwanag. Liwanag na siyang patuloy kong sinusundan, sinusunod at iginagalang.

Gusto kong maging pari. Alam ng lahat yan. Maliit pa lamang ako, pangarap ko na iyon. Nariyang isuot ko ang kumot at magkilos pari. Hindi ako nakuntento doon. Nariyan ang panahon na sa sobrang pagnanais ko na maging pari, hinanap ko sa internet ang lahat ng tungkol dito. Pumasok din ako sa samahang Altar Servers para mas makita ko ng malapitan kung ano nga ba ng ginagawa nila. Sobra akong tinangay ng aking pagnanais na kunin ang bokasyong tingin ng iba ay di bagay sa akin.

Dumadating rin minsan ang mga panahon na sa sobrang pagkatangay ko sa bokasyong ito, nawawala sa aking isipan ang tunay na kahulugan ng pagpapari. Dumadating ang oras na hindi ko man lang Siya iniisip. Natatangay ako ng panlabas na anyo ng pagpapari. Nawawala minsan ang tunay na kahulugan.

May mga panahon din na naguguluhan ako kung saang Order ako bibilang. Nariyang kausapin ko ang mga paring Agustino dito sa lumang simbahan. May pagkakataon na ding nakausap ko ang isang paring misyonero at isang Pransiskano nung ako ay nasa Japan. May nakausap na din akong paring Heswita. Marami ring paring Diyosesano o Diocesan na akong nakausap. Naguguluhan ako noon.

Marahil sa paglipas ng panahon, natututo tayo.  Sa aking palagay, sigurado na ako sa aking tatahaking landas. Itutuloy ko na ito. Wala nang atrasan. Maraming tao ang umaasa sa akin. Maraming naghihintay. Nawa’y hindi ko sila mabigo.